Finding Joy In Aging: Embracing My Obama Year

By: Cookie Brown

Legendary media maven Oprah Winfrey has told us no lies. Age 44 is truly that girl! Our 44th President, Barack Obama, represented hope for millions. Obama was a sign of better days to come, and to many, he was our ancestors' wildest dream. As I look toward the future, I can only describe that very same trip around the sun with that same energy. I am a mere 31 days in and rather extra in spirit, but if this journey is any indication of what is in store, God, I thank you for it all. Lord, you have heard my stressors and my cries and watched my edges wither away. Thankfully, this new chapter at 44 has welcomed me with a warm hug and a decades-long-held exhale.

Recently, I watched an episode of Baby, This is Keke Palmer featuring Lady O. It was such a healing session for me. The more they spoke, the more I felt a strong spiritual confirmation of my present journey. Winfrey spoke to something I have struggled to articulate in words. I felt so affirmed and seen. Lately, it seems I have surrendered to myself in ways I could not previously imagine. I have decided that "I'm not by myself, I'm with myself."

​What are some of my biggest lessons as I embrace the auntie era? Let us unpack, shall we?

Lesson 1: Work is what you do, not who you are. Govern yourself accordingly.

​In my industry, we were groomed to play corporate games and chase ladders that would inevitably tilt as we neared the top. All along, we knew the game would only take us as far as we played it. I have had to push forward in working conditions that nearly broke my spirit and tested all my humanity. Those are situations that can be replaced and switched out. Yet the time I have had taken away from intentionally mothering my children and deeply loving myself cannot be replaced. We are truly on borrowed time.

Lesson 2: Keep a storage of grace; you'll need the favor returned.

​My thirties were my "know-it-all" stage. I had just enough trauma, an abundance of "fine," the right amount of scripture, and life experience to catch a whiff of myself. However, I didn't have enough elbow grease to understand that the roller coaster of life was still going to turn me every which way but loose. I learned the hard way when it comes to the old saying, "putting your mouth on people." The judgment and condemnation of others that you carry today will accompany you as a passenger princess tomorrow. I fell on my ass repeatedly as I learned discernment and watched my words.

Lesson 3: A painless journey is a purposeless journey.

​I understand that my blessings only come from growing through the darkest moments of my life. Truthfully, I'd walk through every flame of fire again knowing it would still lead me right here. My battle wounds have made for the best truth-tellers. Over the years, I've gained the confidence to rest in my failures, the rejections, and the reroutes. Simultaneously, I’ve had to accept them as a necessary part of the process of growth. Struggle is by no means a celebrated personality trait, but the credibility that comes afterward is. Baby, a plot twist hates to see me coming! I’ve been overqualified and overlooked. I’ve endured layoffs and dealt with somebody's baldheaded son. I’ve had to navigate friendships that made me feel like a Big Brother contestant. Sadly, I’ve also survived parents and guardians who had the audacity to head on to the heavenly upper room way too soon, leaving me with zero instructions. At this point, I believe I'm damn near flame retardant!

​The most liberating part thus far at this age is knowing when to put the struggle down. I’m someone who prides herself on using her voice to bring awareness. I’ve learned that you can only give so much to the world without neglecting yourself. We don’t have backup lives stored away on SD cards! My joy is an absolute necessity! The clock is ticking, beloved. Incessant rage and an unregulated nervous system are no longer on the menu. I’m serving life.

I've come to the conclusion that many of us Xennials walk around with the spirit of an untrained toddler due to stressing many of our prime years away. So, we're reclaiming our time now. Give us some grace, please. It's not a midlife crisis; we’ve finally cut the shackles off! Let us dance, child.