Why I Left Public Health for Pilates

By Joselyn Willingham

You probably remember the question we all got asked when we were growing up: “What do you want to be?” For me, that answer always included at least three or four professions. I wanted to be a doctor, a teacher, a writer, an artist. I wanted to sing and dance, play an instrument. You name it, I wanted to do it. Then came the well-meaning adults to say, “Well, that sounds like a lot; why don’t you pick one?” And that’s where they always lost me, because even at eight years old, I knew that I wanted to help as many people as possible, so choosing one thing just didn’t compute.

Fast forward to my early-to-mid 20s, fresh after graduating from Howard University, I was again faced with the question of where to go next. I had a psychology degree in one hand and a hefty student loan balance in the other. By this time, the “responsible thing” had been drilled enough that I had planned to apply to doctoral programs. Yet I was still running into walls whenever I described my ideal position: a clinician who was able to conduct research in my community and apply theoretical solutions in real time to measure their impact.

​“That’s not how things are done. You have to pick one,” kept coming up in conversations, and it again left me with the same confusion I had at eight. Why is it so hard for people to imagine this pathway? It all seemed so clear to me.

Now I find myself at 36 taking yet another unusual turn: leaving behind a decade-long career in public health and clinical research to become a full-time Pilates instructor. I’m sure the question you’re asking is, “Why?” In part, it was because I was finally done with following the conventional path that was never meant to fit me in the first place. Like many fellow Millennials, I allowed the path of least resistance societally to overshadow the dreams and goals I felt in my bones as early as eight years old.

Now, there was nothing particularly wrong with the path I was on. I had built a reputation among my community as a resource for expertise on infectious disease, communicating complex health topics, and advocating for health behaviors based on clinical research to better health outcomes not just for individuals, but for the larger Black community in Chicago. I worked on bringing measures of social determinants of health to primary care appointments, helping to expand networks of resources and championing community health workers' engagement in the larger medical model. I had conducted research across the West Side of Chicago and executed one of the largest community needs assessments and community-based research projects with Black churches. If it had to do with my community, I was there.

In times of crisis during the COVID-19 pandemic, I was addressing the very real concerns of medical mistrust among the Black community. I went on a podcast to describe the process of vaccine development to younger Black audiences drawing from my experience in clinical research, always with the focus of informing my community to make the best decisions for their well-being. Yet somewhere along the line, I realized I had lost myself.

As the years continued, I found myself in more corporate settings where the work truly began to take its toll. That childhood goal of helping people was starting to get lost among the daily demands the higher I climbed the corporate ladder, and I started to feel more like an impostor. It wasn't because I couldn't complete the work or because I was struggling in these settings; on the contrary, for much of my career, I was exceeding anyone’s measures. I found myself promoted three different times in two short years. I became the go-to girl, the manager’s fallback, the point person, the lead on projects, and the area expert. I felt like an impostor because while the language around me sounded aligned with my goals, I felt like one of the few people who was actually moving according to those goals.

​It was around this time that I found Pilates, which simply started as a way to switch up my workout routine. I was already working out, but with all the travel and stress coming from my job, I realized that I wanted something that felt less stressful than weightlifting or running. I went into it with the goal of getting more flexible and keeping myself injury-free for my runs. What I ended up finding would change my life.

​Much of Pilates deals with alignment, primarily of the body, but the more I started moving my body with alignment, the more I started to feel disconnected at work. I kept looking around me and feeling as though no one was saying what they meant. The culture at work was being revealed as more of a lip service than anything else; something that felt so disingenuous to who I was. It became less about the work and more about appeasing those in power, and as the resident it-girl, it was my duty to perform.

I’m reminded of the famous Maya Angelou quote that “if someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Pilates had opened my eyes to how the performance at work was forcing me to wear a mask that was getting too heavy to maintain. I was starting to see how my body was holding all the weight, tension, and stress from performing at work while struggling mentally to reconcile what I was seeing and hearing from management. I was starting to experience the press from management to perform even more while watching resources and support disappear overnight. Most importantly, I was starting to feel less and less connected to the actual work and the impact I felt it was making. I was starting to realize that I was done performing.

​So there I was, in January 2026, at a crossroads. Do I stay on the path that checked off the boxes? Good title, good pay, okay benefits, the travel and the rewards, the perks, the glitz and the glam. Or do I choose this path that had no clear direction? I could already see the confused faces of friends and family thinking, “You want to do what?”

​Yet by this time, my body had started to send some loud alarm bells that not only was my alignment off, but my health was quickly declining as well. I realized I had been putting a band-aid on a much larger wound that work was just scratching the surface of. In many ways, my body forced me to make the decision I had been fighting ever since I noticed I was misaligned; something I’m sure many of us have felt we had to do in the name of security. I had been holding on for too long out of fear until I was left with a choice: my life or my job.

​I chose myself. I started to apply the principles I had learned in Pilates to more than just the mat. I had already identified where I felt misaligned, and instead of fighting against it, I started to lean in, to question what I really needed. I began to revisit those dreams I had as a child and ask, “In what ways would I like to show up for my community?” I began to question old frameworks and the narratives that I was living with to ask, “What is actually true?” I started to reexamine my ideas around productivity, independence, and success, and peel away the ideas that had been fed to me versus what felt organic and natural to my needs. I chose the journey with no clear direction.

And this journey is still ongoing. Since January, I have learned so much more about myself than I imagined possible. It was through this work that I learned of my autism and ADHD diagnosis, which provided the appropriate framework to view much of my life and my struggles. It also helped me grow comfortable asking for support and releasing the shame or guilt for needing help.

​I learned that I could use Pilates to support my community in a way that felt genuine to the goals I held as a child. Pilates taught me through intentional movement and helped me identify places that lacked intention in my work, in my life, and in my relationships. It taught me that I could create intentional environments for others to do similar work in their lives. Even if it is for one hour, I can help someone take a pause in their day and learn something new about themselves; to build not just strength or flexibility, but confidence, empowerment, a quietness of the mind, and a safe space to regulate and just be.

​I am learning how to trust the process of building with no blueprint, how to trust that the dreams I hold are attainable, and that even without the perfect plan, I can move from a place not built solely on survival. And now more than ever, I am ready to share what I am learning with my community, because we all deserve to thrive.

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About Joselyn Willingham

Joselyn Willingham is a researcher at heart. She has a BS in psychology, a MPH and a decade of experience in Public Health and Clinical Research. Recently turned Comprehensive Certified Pilates Instructor, Joselyn is passionate about Black liberation and bettering both the individual and community at large through movement, community building and collaboration.

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