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What's Your Personal Code?

A few years ago, I started creating what I call my personal code. In my late 30s, I was divorcing and my life was changing. I realized at that time that I was emerging into the world as a totally different person than the woman I was before I married. What mattered to me was not the same. My needs had changed. The way I saw the world changed. And my new life needed to speak to that.

So I started creating what I call my personal code. I started journaling about what I wanted, what I needed, and what no longer worked for me. Seeing those things written down made me stay focused. It made me remember what I felt I was worth. Of course in the beginning, my code wasn't as tight as it has become. I had to work on some things and really get to know myself (and like her!).

That code reflects things like the boundaries I set. What does a person have to do, who do they have to be, in order to get VIP access to you? It also reflects the qualities and characteristics I expect to experience in others, where any relationship is concerned.

To be clear, we don't use to code to judge others. It's more like "If you want to come over here and hang with me, this is what I require in my space".

To be even more clear, I know that for some, setting boundaries and a personal code can be difficult. Many people are conditioned to let people have unlimited access to their physical, heart, and mind space. Also, developing your code is a process. Because you are always growing and changing and evolving. You have to make sure to check in with yourself and update your code so you follow.

What kinds of things are in your personal code? Have you ever written them down? Do you have any difficulty staying true to your personal code?

If you would like to join my women's group community each Wednesday where we have these discussions, go to


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